


One Crime

by neat12feet



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluid Sexuality, Jail, M/M, Multi, Post-Time Skip, mafia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neat12feet/pseuds/neat12feet
Summary: The Straw Hats had a goal to achieve. Nothing so ridiculous as to rule the world. At least, not if they wanted there to be a world left to rule.No, they wanted to control the underground of One Piece. Why? For the thrill of it? For the money? For the meat? All that and more!A collection of short stories and not so short stories.Note: Rating and warnings will change as more  chapters are posted.
Relationships: Kaya/Usopp (One Piece), Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates/Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Nami/Nico Robin, Nami/Roronoa Zoro, Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This a little introduction into the wonderful “Straw Hats Family” of One Piece. A little warning ahead of time, I’m not a big fan of commonplace ideas such as monogamy. So please be warned. Though that won’t be brought in this chapter or the next really. It’s just a little heads up. Besides, I’ll change the ratings when it comes to it so yeah. Happy reading!

In the Yakuza Era there were many groups that battled for dominance in the land of One Piece, but none were quite like the Straw Hats Family. They weren't the biggest nor were they arguably the strongest, but they were terrifying and eccentric in a way few others were. Even the World Government and the Marines, the governing body and enforcers of this world were wary of their unpredictability.  
Their head, a man by the name of Monkey D Luffy, was the power behind the operation. His instincts and combat abilities made him a deadly foe in turf wars. It was said he didn't even need a weapon, only his fists and his hunger for all things.  
His right hand man was Roronoa Zoro. He ran a large security business, that dealt with problems. Whispers spoke of a man wielding three swords that could cut through even iron, a man who slept with one eye open. Just waiting for the right moment to strike.  
Sanji was the third member of the Monster Trio, that's what they called the three of them, monsters.  
He owned a chain of popular restaurants throughout their territory. People came from from miles around just to get a taste of his cooking when he decided to work a shift or two himself. He was known as a ladies man, not that he dated any ladies... He was a man into men who liked to look at and dote on beautiful women. There was nothing wrong with that ,and if someone said there was, he would beat them within an inch of their life.  
Nami was the queen of the gambling halls, hotels, and finances. Rumors spoke of a beautiful snake who would strangle you for everything you had, and that if you ever got into debt, you would never pay it off. While her fighting skills left much to be desired, if she walked into a bank, men and women would fall onto their knees, and that was the way she liked it.  
Usopp was an author, he wrote stories for children and did volunteer work. Even with his long nose he was the good public face of their group. The moral compass. That being said, he had a darker side. He would assist others with their problems in his capacity as a sniper.  
Chopper was the group's doctor. He was often mistaken as a pet tanuki, at least until he spoke. A brilliant doctor capable of performing life saving surgeries. He was director of the Grand Line Hospital. He too was kept in the public eye, gaining quite a fan base with his legendary cuteness. He too had a darker persona as during the nights he developed and sold addictive drugs, that in effect caused no harm to one's health, just a feeling of pure bliss and Aphrodisia.  
Nico Robin. She was the devil. A woman so feared in the underworld people dare not speak her name. She was an information broker. No one knew anything else about her. She was simply a shadow looming over the world.  
Then there was Franky. He was a man whose company practically built everything within a 30 mile radius of the Straw Hats Undisclosed Residence. He started out as a builder then grew his company to be a technology giant. Now he operated from a mobile command center used for everything imaginable.  
Brooke. A famous musician who played across the country. He helped maintain public order with his talents. As his appearance was rather memorable, he rarely ventures into the dark side of business, but when he does, death follows.  
Finally there's Jinbei, a fishman who served as a fishman ambassador to the world government. He worked as a double agent for the Straw Hats, in order to keep the Marines off their tracks. He was rarely around, but a member nonetheless.  
All the straw hats lived together on a large estate. Imagine a ginormous square filled with living facilities such as a dining room, theater, game room, gym, indoor pool, a large kitchen, a large living room, ect. Then imagine ten smaller rectangles branching off, each filled with a small dining room, a small living room, a small kitchen, and several large bedrooms. Essentially, the whole mansion was one big common room with ten little houses all around. Each little house was the home of a Straw Hat. They all lived alone, but together on the estate, since none of them, minus Ussop who had his wife Kaya, were in any sort of long-standing relationship outside of each other.


	2. Secret Meat Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present to you just a cute little chapter to help enter the life of the “Straw Hats Family.”

It was a dark in stormy night as luck would have it. Certainly not the type of weather she'd expect anyone to be out in. Yet logic wasn't really a factor in their little group. Which was probably why she wasn't surprised when Luffy disappeared from the group's shared estate, only to burst into the home holding a piece of meat that had to weigh at least forty pounds.  
"Hey Sanji! I found this in this secret back part of the grocery store! Cook it up for me will you?" Luffy yelled, showing off his prize to herself, Sanji, Zoro, Robin, and Franky, who was naturally drinking Cola. The others had long since called it quits and went to sleep. They sat around the table their shock clearer on their faces with every passing second, the exception being Robin who simply lounged with a small smile and slowly sipping on wine.  
"Luffy, it's midnight. You've already eaten dinner thrice. Had at least— hold on... What's this about a secret place in the grocery store?"  
"You know that place where all the huge pieces of meat are?"  
"But Where?"  
"I'm telling you, the meat room!!!"  
Nami sighed as they went back and forth trying to figure out what and where the "meat room" was. Then it clicked.  
"LUFFY YOU STOLE MEAT FROM THE BUTCHER'S STORAGE ROOM IN THE GROCERY STORE. WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GONNA SHOP NOW!"  
"Calm down Nami, I covered my face. I thought you would be happy since it was free."  
Someone coughed Witch.  
"Don't you dare cough in front of dear sweet angel Nami! You moss head idiot!" Sanji burst out pointing to Zoro, who promptly got up and threw a punch, which resulted in Sanji throwing a kick, until finally they had an all out brawl on their hands.   
Nami sighed to herself, the idea of free things was enticing and made her inclined to forgive Luffy's idiocy, besides there was nothing she could do now. Who was she to decline charity?   
Nami instructed Luffy to drop the meat in the kitchen, then come back and explain exactly what happened. Which he did.   
And thus, the rest of the night was as quiet as could be expected.


	3. Jail Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro goes binge drinking and blows up a post office. There he meets officer Tashigi. Though for the life of him he can’t remember her name. Soon Nami comes at the behest of Robin to help bail him out. A verbal sparring match quickly follows.

Zoro  
————————————————————  
Ok, so he'd admit he was in a bit of a jam. Last night he'd gone out bar hopping, had more than a few beers, got into more than a couple fights, and blown up a post office. All that was well and good except in his drunker stupor he'd turned himself in to the marines. And that brought him back to his current situation.  
He was locked up in a stuffy interrogation room with no weapons, and his body chained to the table. On top of that he had a raging headache. The type where he the light was like the fucking sun. Blinding.   
Anyway, Officer Tushga or what's her name, opened the door to the little gray room, stepped in, and began speaking in what he swore was the most annoying voice possible.  
"My name is Officer Tashigi. Mr. Groves do you know why you're here today?"  
"Yeah"  
"Is that all you have to say for your self? You do realize you've cost the government at least a couple hundred thousand berries in damages?!?"  
"Mhmm. I've done worse..."   
"Why you! You think you're tough shit? Let me—"  
The door opened and in swept the most sexiest witch he'd ever seen, and for the first time, he was slightly grateful for his previous drunkenness. If only so he could smirk at the little pinched veins on Nami's forehead that were almost completely invisible to the untrained eye.   
"I think that's enough. Ms... Tashigi." Nami purred looking purposefully at the name tag on the woman’s breast pocket. If only she could be that calm all the time he thought as she slipped past the officer to sit on the side of the table. "My name is Mrs. Groves and I'm not only this poor fool's lawyer, but his wife as well. So I kindly ask that you take a breather and give us some space."  
After glaring so hard he was surprised her eyes didn't shoot out sparks Tashigi huffed out a "You have ten minutes," then stomped away.   
Nami moved from the table and plopped down onto the chair, crossing her long legs with a smile as she leaned across the table grabbing his chin like he was a petulant child. He bristled, he wasn’t some child he was a fully grown man. He ran a company for fucks sake.   
“Let go of my face witch” he whispered, making sure to blow his beer breath directly into her face. She scrunched her nose up slightly at that and released his face from her grasp.  
“Now is that anyway to treat your savior you directionally challenged idiot.”   
“You are not my savior. I can damn well take care of myself , and there is nothing wrong with my sense of direction.”  
“So you just happened to wander into a police station.”   
“Yes—I mean no— Dammit bitch!”  
“It’s a miracle you’re alive either way considering who you are. Which is why we’ve got to get you out quickly! Franky’s already got the cameras on a loop, so we can talk freely.” She said siting back in her chair.  
“You finally got to the point. Great. So how am I leaving here today? With blood on my hands and no cuffs or with cuffs on my hands and no blood?”  
“Neither, bae’s came up with a plan to get a fall guy.”  
“Which of the god knows how many people you’re fucking are you talking about? And where the hell are you gonna find a fall guy on such short notice?”  
“Robin you dumb ass, who else? And there just so happens to be a man who not only owes me a tidy sum of 422,250 berries, but screwed us over on one of Chopper’s drug deals.”  
“So he’s dead meat?”  
“We told him he can get his ass here and confess to blowing up that post office or we can put him in a box and ship him to Law.”  
“Good.” He replied propping his feet up on the table. And it was good, anyone who screwed them over needed to be chopped up like sashimi and eaten for dinner. That was normally his job, but seeing as he was in marine custody this was an excellent solution.   
At that moment the door opened and in stepped that officer from before. What was her name? He couldn’t remember. Whatever.  
“Mr. Groves you are free to go. A man just came in and took credit for the explosion last night.   
Mrs. Groves we apologize for the inconvenience to your family, that being said we ask that Mr. Groves does not leave town in case we need to clarify any further details. We thank you for your cooperation.”  
“Yeah, yeah.” He responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. The lady rolled her eyes and frowned as she unchained and straight up flinched when Nami swatted his ass and told him to get a move on. The two of them walked to reclaim his belongings and he thanked whatever god was around when he felt the heavy weight of swords at his waist. From there he went home, had Sanji whip up his normal hangover breakfast, took a nice long shower, and took a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’re beginning to feel that not-so-traditional relationship vibe, which I’m really excited about. I do think though at the core of the Straw Hats is Friendship and Trust even if they’re together physically or emotionally.


	4. The Nun

Chopper  
—————————————————  
Chopper was a busy reindeer. Not a busy tanuki. Not a busy raccoon. He was a busy reindeer. He ran the Grand Line Hospital after all, which catered to all sorts of people, from fishman to winged sky folk to mink to regular humans. He loved his job, he got to make sure everyone, whether criminal or the common citizen, all had equal access to proper medical treatment. That made his hospital different than any other in the area. The Heart Hospital run by Dr. Trafalgar Law catered mainly to outlaws and specialized in complex surgeries. The Kureha Clinic run by his old mentor, Dr. Kureha, was available to who ever was willing to pay, though it was often the common folk. Then there was the Marine hospital which only dealt with world nobles, government officials, and marines. So all in all, Chopper was pretty proud to serve the most diverse group of people. Though it did have its downsides. Such as how he was about to head into the lobby to deal with some vapid woman who didn't understand why they wouldn't offer facial reconfiguration unless someone had been in a disfiguring accident. She had apparently been causing a ruckus demanding to speak to the director, insisting that if only he would speak with her, he would surely see things her way. What a ridiculous woman.  
It was with that thought that he entered the lobby and pushed through the gathered crowd to see a average looking woman dressed as a nun screaming at one of the receptionists, Tracy, if he remembered correctly. He didn't know if she was a real nun or not. He couldn't imagine why nun would want plastic surgery or why they would act in such a manner. He guessed it didn't really matter as he shifted forms to a bulkier, taller version of himself. Neither woman seemed to notice him, so he softly cleared his throat. A clear look of relief shown on Tracy's face, as the nun? directed her attention to him.   
"Who are you?" demanded the woman. Her voice was nasally and sounded like she could benefit from some cough syrup.   
"You asked to speak to the director?"  
"Finally someone's getting something done around here. Well let's go then." She paused when he gave her a blank stare. "Are you going to take me to your boss or not?"  
"Miss I am the director."   
"No I mean the director, not some low ranking hideous tanuki."  
"I'm a reindeer!" He half shouted, half chastised. He took a deep breath, then huffed. He needed to deescalate the situation not make it worse. It took a moment for him to regain his composure. "I'm also the director, and as the director I have authority over what goes on in this hospital. You are not welcome here. You will not receive any plastic surgery in my hospital, and I kindly ask that you remove yourself from the premises."  
The woman spluttered "But If you'll just hear me out. A nun is supposed to look angelic and I'm getting older. I need my looks to keep my fanbase happy. I need their donations to retain my lifestyle. I'm sure you've wanted to change your blue nose. Let my courage to change inspire you to change yourself."  
She was right. He had wanted to change his blue nose when he was a calve, but now he had a family who loved him. His eyes were watering but kept his voice steady when he said "When I say no, I speak for the Grand Line Hospital. You have no right to tell me to change. Someone please escort this troubled woman from my hospital and Tracy have Ms. Kiplett clear my schedule for today. I'm heading out."  
He was ready to get home and see his herd. Zoro was arrested last night and if he remembered correctly Nami and Robin were supposed to have him home any minute now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this I was grinning like an idiot. Chopper always feels just so wholesome and such a good reindeer at heart, no matter what the situation. Prime examples are the latest couple of arcs (Punk Hazard, Zou, Wano, ect).


End file.
